I was originally supposed to resign from work tomorrow. That didn’t happen. I seem to be increasingly acquainted with Murphy’s Law these days. 

The boss mentioned to a co-worker that he was trying to not be in tomorrow. It was nothing short of a marathon of schenanagans from that point on. I didn’t have the letter with me, so I had to find a creative solution to get it ready, checked with the division secretary to get a conference room booked, and asked the boss if he wanted to talk about some of my programs. Yeah, that’s right I chickened out.

Why? Dunno. Don’t like disappointing people. Sad? Yes. 

Well, it worked out that the boss had another meeting and then lunch. After lunch, he was doing his POSH training. We finally got down to the conference room, but he also invited Lindsay. He dove right into the details of our projects, so I naturally went with it. Until that faithful question: “So, when can we send you to [the f-ing middle of no where south central] Crane [Indiana]?”

“Well, actually, I’ve accepted a position with another company and will be moving to DC later this month.”

Yeah, you can cheer.

The boss, as a true engineer, just nodded once, and it was pretty evident that his gears were spinning. “Hmmm.” We talked about transitioning Lindsay up to my place. Blah blah blah. 

Glad that’s over. On to new things! 

Frank: Well, Mary, you know my counselor’s got me going to these classes to help me out with a couple of things [jingles change in his pocket]

Mary: [nods cautiously]

Frank: So, you’re a golden retriever.

Mary: What? [thinks: He thinks I'm a female dog?]

Frank: And Mike’s a beaver, Rodger’s an otter, and I can’t figure out what Lindsay or Kevin are.

Mary: That’s nice. What’s this mean.

Frank: You’re a golden retriever. You’re loyal and faithful, but not always so bright. Mike’s a beaver because he just goes about his work without much fanfare. Rodger’s an otter because he likes to play all day and eat.

Mary: Interesting. [thinks: Not really.] Why can’t you figure out what Kevin and Lindsay are?

Frank: Yeah, I’m going to have to give them that 400 question test.

Mary: Four hundred questions?

Frank: It’s the standard test that they give.

Mary: None of us took that test, so how do you know what we are?

Frank: Well, you can just read the descriptions and figure it out.

Mary: What about Lindsay and Kevin?

Frank: I think they’re combinations of a few different animals. I really don’t know.

Mary: But you work with them the most. [egging him on]

Frank: Well, Kevin’s the most confusing of the two. I talk about him to my counselor more than I do about my ex-wife!

Mary: Really? Why?

Frank: He’s just… [inaudible] [jingles change in his pockets] [walks away]

Usually, at work, we say we’ve got to go to sexual harassment training, ignoring the implication that we’re being trained in how to perform sexual harassment more effectively.
Some genius, or probably, a group of them actually, must have figured that one out and renamed the training to “Prevention of Sexual Harassment” or (PoSH). Now, I, in my last few days of work have to take it again before the end of the training calendar. Even though this is produced by EEOC (the Equal Opportunities Commission), I wish someone had reviewed this one. It’s always the evil, over-sexed men harassing the men and women of the workplace.

Angie: [heavy Spanish accent] Kevin, come here.

Kevin: Ok, one second. [goes there]

Angie: I wan you to [inaudiable].

Kevin: You want me to choke you or shake you?

Angie: I wan you to shoke me.

Kevin: Are you sure?

Angie: Yes. Put jour hands aroun my neck.

Kevin: Ok. [puts hands on her neck]

Angie: [raises her arm up and twists from her waist]

Kevin: [his hands are pushed off her neck and unintentionally slide down]

Angie: [continues talking like nothing happened]

Kevin: [realizes that his hands are on her breasts and immediately pulls them off] Oh!

Angie: What happened?

Kevin: [turns really red] I think I just got sexually harassed.